Watched "Hero" last night. So beautiful I wanted to cry. All the colours, the fabrics, the scenery. The scene with the leaves is just amazing, as is the one where she (don't know her name in English) is kneeling by her loved one's side, crying out because he is dead. The white clothes, the mountains in the background, the sky. Just perfect. Not to mention the first fight scene between the "hero" and the first assassin. The dripping water, the old man and his music. Oh, and the fight over the lake. The swords cutting through the surface and then lifting again. Some critic promised a "visual orgasm", don't know if it quite got there, but man was it good.

Just came back from "Frida". Cried. I don't cry at movies. This one moved me, though. Probably because certain aspects of it reminded me of my own situation. Of course, I am in no way in nearly as much pain as Frida Kahlo was, but it still stirred up my emotions. So I have decided to like this movie. It is seldom nowadays that a film touches me and I cherish the few that manage to do so.

Now I am restless. Ants in my pants doesn't even begin to describe the feeling I have in my body. Every inch of me is longing to move, every muscle yearns to contract. This - writing - is the only way for me to sit still without starting to chew on my knuckles or nervously rub my hands. Maybe food will help a little. It will be something to do and at least my jaws will be occupied for a while. Besides it is time for dinner.

I need to get the music from the movie. It was absolutely wonderful.

Yes, I managed to stay awake throughout the entire show, slept for 2,5 hours and then off to campus. A couple of hours of rest in the afternoon before heading out for a quick shopping-session, followed by boxing-class. When I came home I was served a beer and ordered to come out to the party as soon as I'd showered and eaten. So I did and had a wonderful night, just hanging out listening to live music in the tv-room.

Today was hard, though. Seemed like an impossible task to get out of bed when the alarm went off after 6 hours of sleep. Somehow I still managed to do so, eat breakfast and get ready on time. Was hard to stay awake during the first hour of the lecture, so I took a RedBull when we had a brake and to my surprise it actually helped.

Tonight we're going to see "Frida". Hoping I'll like it, but am trying not to get my hopes up too much. Planning on going to "The Dictator" (Chaplin) sometime soon as well. Maybe I should catch "Far from Heaven"? "The Hours" premieres here on Friday. Will se "The Pianist" whether it goes on here or not (in which case I guess we'll be forced to download it).

While we're on the subject (well, sort of) - would just like to say that the award for best acceptance-speech goes to Adrien Brody, hands down. But I did appreciate Michael Moore's initiative as well.

Oscar night. I don't quite know if I should watch or if I should be politically correct and boycott the whole thing. It is sort of a tradition - staying up all night once a year, adoring the dresses and laughing at the bad jokes. Getting inspiration for what to go see at the movie-theatres this year and rooting for the once I've seen already. I've seen only a few this year, and only one or two of the "really big ones". Looking forward to "The Pianist", which from what I've seen seems quite interesting, as well as "Talk to Her", a film that I've been meaning to see for some time now.

Tomorrow we'll know who won and whether I managed to stay up during the entire show, until seven in the morning. Luckily we've only got lectures until lunch. Introduction to the new course. I predict that I will spend most of the afternoon in bed. Now Casablanca is on. Thought I'd watch it as it is a classic that one "should" have seen at least once.

Just came back from an afternoon of demonstrations (against the war and against racism) followed by stuffing ourselves with far too much sugar at a coffee-shop downtown. The weather is absolutely marvellous - sunshine and hardly any wind at all. Walked without my jacket on most of the way.

Last night Denmark joined the war. Terrible, just terrible.

Now, time for spring-cleaning! Incredible how just a few square-meters can suddenly feel like a huge mansion. It's a shame, really. Should be joining the others outside, playing football (soccer, that is). But a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do. Not that I feel like a "woman". I'm still more of a "girl", I guess.

Spring is here again....how I've missed it. Except for a slight headache and the fact that I have a final coming up in a few days everything actually seems to be going fine. Had a few "disagreements" but since I talked to two of my friends and got to ventilate my views properly I actually feel better. Maybe I can let it go now. Yes, he lied and yes, it would have helped if he'd just have told me straight away so I could have made my own desicion on wether to continue what we had going or not, but it is too late now. Nothing more to do. Just let go!

Was planning on going to England over Easter but since my friend there is coming home for a couple of weeks pretty soon anyway I've decided to wait until he moves to London. Annoying because I really wanted to go, but this way is much better in so many other ways. It's more practical. So now I just have his return to look forward to. I am, though. Haven't seen him for almost 5 months now and even when you're writing up to two emails a day it's just not the same.

Watched President Bush's adress last night. We'd been watching "Rose Red", which was a little longer than we expected and so I ended up still being awake at 2am. Seems the war is upon us. Not that I'm surprised. Bush & co have seemed pretty determined to get this war with or without the approval of the UN (or the rest of the world for that matter). I'm just sad. I wish for a short and bloodless war, but realise that it's naive even to hope for it. Guess I want to be naive.

Now breakfast - maybe that will cure my head. And then time to study, study, study. All these names and characteristics and bodily functions. Will I ever learn?

Hangover. Woke up at 11:11, still drunk. This will probably not be one of my most "inspired" entries as I have a hard time concentrating with all these mice clogdancing in my head and intestins striving to become "out-testins". Had pizza and a serious talk with Mike. He can't understand why I got angry because he lied to me. Yes, I am clearly very irrational. Disappointed. Should I write an email or two before we start the movie? Or perhaps update my journal? Will probably end up sitting here, in front of my computer, listening to music and doing absolutely nothing productive.

Listening to music (Prodigy, Chemical Brothers and Ladytron) and trying to wind down after 2,5 hours of physical activities. First an hour or so of volleyball, followed by basketball and finally some working out on my own. I needed this. Didn't quite reach the usual endorphin-high but this will do just fine. My knee has been acting up in a whole new way today. Makes me worry a little.

Time to get dinner ready. Should I work on getting rid of the last of the chicken or will it be vegetarian today? Maybe fish? I think I have some fish still. Oh, the choices I have to make! What a dilemma!

So today I'm feeling really out of it. Can't sit still, just want to run around, kick somebody or bite something really hard. Not very healthy behaviour, I suppose. At least that's what one of my friends though and suggested I start seeing a therapist. As I know that therapy would only be for the purpose of fulfilling my need for attention I decided to start this little thing instead. It's cheaper and has the potential of reaching so many more people. I'll probably lose interest in a while, but for now it seems like a new, interesting and exciting project.

So, am I a "chameleon on Prozac"? No, not really. Or, not at all. I am a member of the species Homo sapiens and I do not take any drugs. Well, that is not completely true. Once in a while I'll take an aspirin if I've got a bad headache and I do drink alcohol on occasion. I have been known to ingest meat and drink such toxic liquids as Coca-Cola or Pepsi, which as we all know contain caffeine. I drink tea and eat chocolate and other "unhealthy foods". But I do not take any prescription-drugs, least of all Prozac. So the title that I've chosen for this blog is not very accurate, but I suppose that's not really the point anyway.

However, I'll jokedly say that "when I grow up..." I want to be a schizophrenic, manic depressive chameleon. Don't know where I got it from - just one of those things you come up with after too little sleep, when your body is pumped with adrenaline because your "ex-lover" has been sleeping with one of your friends and all you want to do is run around in circles until you can't run any more. Yes, it may seem chaotic at times, but life is perfectly organised to drive me as far away from sanity as possible. Just when you think you can handle it and everything is going okay lightning strikes and your world is turned upside down. What used to be so clear is now utterly incomprehensible.

What really annoys me is that just yesterday I was feeling perfectly fine. Although it was raining outside, in my mind the sun was shining and harmony and peace ruled the landscape that is my soul. Why must I be so easliy affected by circumstances?